Us blokes all experience the me-time situation every so often, you know the one – the one where wife or girlfriend informs you that they are going out for an evening, or, better still – will be away for a WHOLE NIGHT….WITH BABY. This is usually music to our ears as it gives us just a tiny, little, miniscule amount of time to simply sit on the sofa in our pants without a care in the world. It gives us a moment to gather our thoughts and breathe for a few seconds, without the worry of getting a bollocking for spilling a grain of mushroom fried rice on the sofa.
This is the moment to truly unwind and experience an out-of-body experience. Enjoy it, as it doesn’t actually last that long.
But boy do we enjoy it. I am sitting here writing this in my black £3.99 Topman boxer shorts; an invigorating film has been viewed from the comfort of the sofa; a rather hot curry has been consumed (with just enough naan bread left over for the potential 11pm snack-fest); the third cheap beer from Wine Express has been downed; cupboards are slightly ajar; toilet seat is fully upright; Playstation controller is eagerly awaiting to be dusted, and, you are sitting on a different area of the sofa. Things are just different from your ‘Coronation Street’ nights. It’s time to go mental.
Channel 401 is pressed. Bit of a football catch-up. 520 is next – love to see whether there is a good documentary about planet earth being screened. Quick peek at the planner – “Shit, I forgot to watch Rosetta: Comet Landing from five months ago”. Press play.
Run around the house.
Do some star-jumps.
Talk to yourself.
Eat the rest of the naan bread before retiring to bed. Only there is no baby or mummy within the house. Wow.
Shuffle to the left-hand side of the bed. Shuffle to the right-hand side of the bed. Shuffle to the middle of the bed. Whatevs. It doesn’t matter, lie diagonally. Yes. What a position.
Finish blog post.