Daddy: “So, seeing as though you have taken full control over the design, colour scheme and overall layout of the living room, dining room, kitchen, our bedroom, baby’s bedroom, bathroom and toilet – would it therefore be suffice if I have a genuine say in the design, layout and colour scheme of the Man Cav…I mean spare room”?

Mummy: Pardon?

Daddy: I accept I am colour blind and have not had much experience in decorating rooms prior to this moment, but I believe I am ready for this moment. It is a moment I have been waiting for since my dad put Manchester United wallpaper on my walls in 1996.

Mummy: Eh?

Daddy: Basically, would it be ok if the spare room has a 42 inch tele with Sky (optional to have BT Sport), my Playstation 3 (optional purchase of a Playstation 4), an elegant leather sofa, a wall decorated with canvases of past adventures, a dedicated writing and reading area, a cabinet decorated with football trophies and a fridge? Can you confirm this is ok? Please sign off the approval paperwork as soon as possible so I can make the necessary arrangements. Is this all OK with you”?

Mummy: “No, the room will have a chair and a lamp”.

Daddy: “…”

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