The first time it happens is memorable, you put baby down for a nap, and you also feel a little tired. You see this as a great opportunity to take a little nap. You turn the tele off and make yourself comfortable on the sofa. The living room is littered with various toys and general baby clutter. Some toys are turned off, but some are not. Some are waiting patiently to scare daddy. They are playing dead. They are currently loving life, secretly giggling. Wankers.

You slowly drift off in to a decent level of sleep; baby is fast asleep; the place is silent — an abandoned ghost town of pure peace and quiet, when suddenly out of nowhere a toy miraculously comes to life without warning. You jump out of your skin and sit bolt upright. You almost have a heart attack to someone or something singing: “How are you, I’m a sleepy, hungry, happy bear, hey come and hug me”.

You are still half asleep but are a little unsure about the situation. You are dazed. Did I just hear something? Is someone home? Is baby waking up? Is it a ghost or poltergeist playing havoc with me? No, mate. A bear just started singing a song for you.

Ridiculous.

You are shaking a little because somewhere in your mind you think it genuinely is a ghost. You begin to calm down a little but can’t rest until you can confirm to your brain that it was just a toy and not an evil poltergeist.

You look around the room and realise it could have been any toy from a possible 20. As you wade your way through the toys to investigate the incident, a singing ted makes you almost shit yourself again by saying, “I love you”, and blowing a kiss. You swiftly turn around and find the culprit – a tiny harmless looking V-tech ted with buttons and an annoying smile. You press the buttons to make sure that the initial song came from this ted.

It did.

The end.

Bastard
Bastard
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